Maybe I am not cut out to be a missionary

It's almost 1am and I can't sleep...my mind is racing and tears are flowing. We had a great evening together as a family. I was excited because we stopped by TJ Maxx and I found several cute matching dresses for the girls for Togo. All the women and girls in Togo wear dresses and as stores start to mark down their summer clothes we are trying to buy things for Togo to last the kids a couple years. John found Aiden some nice shorts and shirts too. We also stopped by Lowe's to look for a few items we need to spruce up the house before we put it on the market. I was excited as the reality that we really are going back sets in...and now that is what I can't get off my mind.

Everyone is asleep, but I have been lying in bed thinking about having a yard sale to sell all of our belongings and selling our house. I am so sentimental- to a fault sometimes. I think sentimentality is a terrible trait for a missionary to have!! As I started thinking about selling the kids' stuff I became so sad. I guess it is the memories attached to those things. I picture the girls playing with their baby dolls and pushing their strollers around. I think of all the sweet times reading books to them. I think of Aiden playing with his little cars and the thought of selling those things seems so hard. As I think about selling the house, our home, I cry. This was the first home we owned. We spent countless hours placing each piece of hardwood flooring, the same floors that all three kids learned to walk on. I have walked these floors many nights craddling each child. The kids' pitter-patter as they run around the house warms my heart. We brought 2 babies home to this house. We poured ourselves into making this house a home. It is nothing grand, but it is our home.

As I laid in bed, thinking how difficult it will be to leave these things behind, the Lord brought these verses to mind. "Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal." Matthew 6:19-20 The Lord calls us to leave things behind in order to make an eternal difference!

I was also struck by the thought of Christ leaving His home in Heaven, for me. While I struggle over leaving something as simple as the floors in our home, I remember that He left streets of gold!

So now I pray that as we prepare to leave for Togo, that the Lord will help me keep an eternal focus rather than focusing on temporal things! I know I will cry. The kids may even cry as their things are sold, but I know the Lord will help us through this transition and use this time to prepare us to be used in a even greater way for Him! Yes, I am sentimental...that is my weakness. But 2 Corinthians reminded me, "And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me."

So if it takes a few sacrifices and shed tears for the Lord's strength to be made perfect in my weakness and that the power of Christ may rest upon me, then bring on the yard sales!

a small glimpse

You will have to be patient with me as I learn this new world of blogging.  My desire is to use this blog to show you what the Lord is doing in Togo, West Africa.  Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our own lives that we fail to see the great things God is doing all over the world through missions.  That being said, I will be the first to admit that I know nothing about computers!  So, with the Lord's help, I hope this blog shows you just a small glimpse of our journey!

I wanted to post a few pictures of Togo just to give you an idea of where we will be going and what we will be doing.  These pictures are from our time in Togo from 2005 to 2007.

John with some of the children at the weekly Kids Club Bible Study

John & Bawa, a converted Muslim who speaks 5 tribal languages and has a burden to reach his own people for Christ!

One of the highlights of my time in Togo was this Bible study with some of the blind girls at the Center of Light Blind School. Madame Comfort translated from English to Ewe (the girls tribal langauge) and was a wonderful help to me!

John doing one of his weekly Bible Studies with some of the workers at the Blind Center.

The nursing students I was able to help train.

The young man's name was Soudji. He has such a joyful spirit and loved leading music for one of the local churches. Soudji always brought a smile to my face and was an encouragement to his fellow nursing students.

John and me working in the OR...one of the only air conditioned places on the hospital compound! I usually worked in the wards, which were not AC'd so working in the OR was a huge treat for me!


Hope you enjoyed seeing a few pictures. I will try to post some pics of the landscape soon!