Nearly 48 hours ago, the Lord saw fit to take every material possession away from my family. I just read my last blog entry and am overwhelmed by the irony of it all. In His great plan, the Lord took care of all the things I worried with. There are no more floors on which to hear the pitter patter little feet. There are no more strollers to push and baby dolls to tuck in. No more cars and trucks and push around the house. No more legos to stack or footballs to be thrown. No more hairbows to wear or cowboy boys to wear. No more clothes to wash, socks to fold, or dishes to put away. No more windows to wash or bathrooms to clean. No more furniture to dust. No more pictures, no more "take home from the hospital outfits". No more baby blankets or dedication outfits. No more baby pictures or videos of first baths, first steps or first words. But nevertheless, we have more than we deserve. God is so good and we want to thank Him for His goodness.
I was at work in the ICU when I received a phone call. I answered the phone and did not recognize the name on the caller ID. The unfamiliar voice said, "You need to come home." "Excuse me?", I replied. Again, "you need to come home right now!" I still didn't understand, "Who is this? What is going on?". He replied, "This is your husband and our home is on fire." I heard something in his voice that made me realize it was my husband, John, on the phone. I was frantic, "The babies? Where are the babies?" He assured me they were outside with him and his sister who was visiting for Christmas. I was breathless, "Is the house gone?". "Almost", he was so strong. As I hung up the phone, I looked at my co-workers and said, "I have to go. My house is on fire." Even as I spoke the words, I didn't believe what was happening. A friend at work drove me home and a few blocks away we saw the flames and the smoke. As we turned into our neighborhood I saw the most horrific sight- our home, engulfed in flames surrounded by a dozen fire engines and countless amazing fire fighters.
I jumped out of the car and ran down the street screaming and asking anyone I could, "My babies?? My family? Please, where are they??" No one could answer. I kept running til I saw my sweet husband, my hero, standing on the side of the road barefoot and cold, watching our home burn. I collapsed at his feet. "The kids?" I was still hysterical. He pointed to a white vehicle and I ran. Inside I saw the most amazing site, my three beautiful babies, barefoot and in their pajamas sweetly waiting with their Aunt Jeana. "MOMMY!!!!", the sweetest sound I have ever heard. I grabbed all three of them. The warmth of their skin and smell of their hair at that moment was almost more than I could handle. They were okay. The Lord brought all 5 of them out of the house and protected them.
There was nothing the fire fighters could do other than try to control the fire. It was beyond saving. So we stood there and watched, as everything we owned burned. But even in that moment of realizing that the Lord had just taken everything away, I knew that He had again given me my family.
Right now, as they sleep nearby, and I listen to their soft rhythmic breathing, I realize that I could be sitting here alone. I realize that I could never again have heard Eliza say "You're my favorite mommy, Mommy." Or heard Olivia say, "Mommy, can you hold me?". Never again see Aiden's beautiful smile or touch his soft blonde curls. Or never again hold my sweet husband's hand or nestle into his neck and smell his cologne. The Lord, in His great mercy, saw fit to give me my family. I don't deserve them. But God is so good. Everything is gone, but I have too much to be unthankful.
Our prayer through all of this is that the LORD would be magnified. He has given us far more than we deserve. He has not only saved us from Hell, but given us an eternal home in Heaven....a home that will never burn! We don't understand. I have questions. Was I took materialistic? Did I worry to much about physical things? Were hair bows and clothes too important? God may never give me the answers, but we chose to trust Him! He has a plan. He has a purpose.
"Wherefore glorify ye the LORD in the fires, even the name of the LORD God"