I don’t remember ever really being scared in our last 2 year term here. But this time, things are so very different. When I look at the kids and their 3 little faces. I get a little scared. I try not to let the kids see me tense at every little creature and I try to be sneaky as I tuck them in at night while scanning their beds for any unwelcomed guest. I try to be covert as I check the trees for snakes when we walk at night. But tonight, I just could not hide it.
We had just finished watching a little movie with the kids and I was heading towards the back of the house. The kids were still in the living room playing with John. I walked back out of our room and saw just the slightest movement on the floor out of the corner of my eye. Most of the lights were out, but I could tell by the movement what it was. I reached for the nearest light switch and then saw that it was what I first thought, a scorpion making its way in to the girls’ room. I was barefoot and there was nothing close by that I could kill it with…..so I yelled for John. And yelled…and yelled. He was right by the kids and with the fans going, he couldn’t hear me! I was afraid to move from it because I didn’t want it to hide in their room. So I yelled even louder and John finally heard me! He was able to grab a shoe and whack it!!!
I was okay for a minute, but then the tears came. I was crawling around on the ground on my hands and knees, pregnant, with a flashlight, checking their rooms for more critters, just crying and asking God what He is trying to teach me. I tried not to let the kids see me upset, but Eliza saw me crying and said, “Are they happy tears Mommy?”. I have tried so hard every day to give the kids to Him, and I thought I was doing an okay job with that. But now, I think the Lord is trying to tell me that maybe I am not doing so great with it……that I need to trust Him more. I am trying. Really I am trying…but I have to admit that this is hard!
As I was typing this, my sweet sis-in-law Rachel sent me this verse…
Proverbs 14:26 (KJV)
In the fear of the LORD is strong confidence: and his children shall have a place of refuge.